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In tribute to Tequila my daughterThanks to Gerald |
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| I'm writing to you tonight because I'm suffering terribly from your absence. I know how angry you were at me for the hasty decision I took on the evening of March 02, 2009 at 6:30 pm. I saw in your eyes and gestures your despair and disgust for me. You showed it clearly, taking refuge in your mom and ignoring me to make me understand that you'd understood that disastrous sentence: Tell him if he can do it now, I can never come back. I blame myself. I didn't know what else to do, you were in so much pain with your spine that you couldn't walk. Your painkillers wouldn't cover it. That damn scanner found a tumor on your spleen, but the doctor was able to comfort me at the time, because he was able to remove both your herniated discs as well as the spleen. But now you have an orange-sized tumour on your beautiful heart, compressing your lungs and displacing your windpipe. The doctor says it's a miracle you can still breathe. I swear to God, I have never in my life had more love for a companion than I had for you. I mourn your absence alone and would so much like to join you to have another chance to kiss your belly or your nose, with those comical postures you used to take on the bed or in your basket. I have the image of the look on your face when you sat on the chair and your lower jaw passed over your upper lips. I miss you, I'm so angry that we parted like that, I wish I could have told you differently, had a little time to explain it all to you. Every day without you is a pain. Vicky tries to comfort me, her joie de vivre and the facial expressions she's borrowed from you help me get through the day, but nothing can erase your absence. You left much too soon, you were only 8 years old, you didn't deserve this misfortune, we didn't deserve to lose you so quickly. We miss you too much. For pity's sake, forgive me, I loved you like crazy, I love you still and for eternity. Forgive my decision, tell me that you still love me, that you understood that I wanted to spare you the worst. Leave me a place by your side, up there. I love you so much. |
English (United Kingdom) 
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