Killer, my lifelong friend

In tribute to

Killer, my lifelong friend

Thanks to

Angie

Almost 6 years ago, I received a phone call from a friend asking if I knew anyone who might want a 4-month-old Rottweiler that his owner had bought in a pet shop and no longer wanted.

My answer was no, I didn't know anyone, but my husband had wanted one for a very long time, so that very evening we set off to meet this little ball of fur.

When we arrived at my friend's house, we fell in love with this adorable little black and tan puppy with big eyes so happy to see people, and we left with him.

You were supposed to be my husband's dog, but you became my friend, my confidant, my son, to whom I could confide everything, happy with my joys and sad with my sorrows, my friend, my protector, my faithful, tender, loving friend.

And then one day an epileptic seizure ruined our peace of mind, and we went to the vet who told us not to worry, that it was only temporary, but he was wrong, the seizures became more and more frequent, the medication and the pain, everything I didn't want, you didn't deserve that.

So, for 2 years, you and I battled this bloody disease and more and more medication and pain, pain also in my heart not to be able to get rid of this thing that was hurting you so much.

And then, in that very cold month of December, it was horror, endless attacks for two days and two nights, non-stop, tiring your heart and saddening mine to see you like that.

After 50 hours without sleep, the decision was made to end your suffering, you got into the car without any joy, contrary to your habits, the road to death was very sad, I look at you and tell myself it's the best solution for you, so you'll find your peace and quiet again, but my heart suffers from this decision.

And here we are...

I'm crying, so is my husband, and you're so calm, we're putting you on this table that sometimes saves lives but will cost you your life, a thousand times I've asked you to forgive me for what I've done, I love you so much my friend, but I don't want to see you suffer any more, I talk to you, I caress you, I talk to you, I caress you, you're so wise and then the needle goes into your vein and I hold you in my arms and I cry so hard I can't stop, I ask you to forgive me, you fall asleep peacefully and I blame myself, I hate myself and at the same time I'm sure I've made the right decision.

I'm left alone with you for a few moments, I touch you, I don't want to leave you and yet I have to, I'm going to miss you so much, I miss you so much, you who were always with me, where I was you were there too and now I'm leaving, but I'm alone, you're gone and I'm going home, a home that's yours but where you'll never come back, your home now is my heart because I'll never forget you, you who gave me so much during those two years of happiness and togetherness, you from whom I took my life.

I think of you and time has done little to erase my pain, so I try to think of the moments of happiness we had together, the party you'd throw me when I came home from work or just for 5 minutes, for you it was all the same, the swims in the lake, the walks in the forest and the vacations in Brittany, when you'd come back all wet with seawater and covered in sand, the cavalcades down the stairs of the Breton house and the games with Joyce.

As she's always there, she too must think of you often.

Not long ago, your friend Timmy joined you in doggie heaven, I miss him too, but you must have found each other again and are acting crazy like you did when you were there.

I'd so much like to be able to see you, touch you and tell you that I love you so much, one day I know we'll meet again and that's what keeps me going, but until that day I talk about you around me, everyone knows you even if some of them weren't lucky enough to have met you, I do it with joy, that's how I keep you alive, in my heart and in my stories.

Thank you for being my friend, because I've been fabulously lucky to have a true friend, see you soon Killer...