If only it had been different...

I don't remember much about the place where I was born. It was very small and dark and people never played with us. I remember Mum and her soft coat, but she was often sick and very thin. She hardly had any milk for me and my siblings. I remember that many of them died, and I miss them so much.

I remember well the day I was taken away from my mom. I was so sad and scared, my baby teeth were starting to come through and I should have stayed with my mom. But she was so sick and people kept saying they had no money and were fed up with the "mess" my sister and I were making. So we were put in a cage and transported elsewhere. Just the two of us.

We huddled close together and were scared, but again, no human hands to caress and love us. So many different places and noises! We're in a store with lots of other animals. Some are howling, others moaning!

My sister and I are locked in a small cage, and I can hear other puppies. I see people looking at me. I love little children, they seem so sweet and fun. How they'd love to play with me!

All day long, we stay locked up in our narrow cage, sometimes people knock on the window and scare us, sometimes we're taken out to be introduced to people. Some are kind, others hurt us. We always hear: Oh, how nice they are! I want one! But they don't take us.

My little sister died last night when it was dark in the store. I put my head on her soft fur and could feel the life slipping out of her slim little body. I'd heard she was sick and that I could be sold at a "discount" so I could get out of the store fast. I think my whimpering was the only sign of grief when her little body was taken out of the cage and thrown away.

Today a family came and bought me! What a happy day! They're a nice family, they really wanted me! They bought a dish and some food and the little girl hugged me. I love her so much.

Mom and Dad say I'm an adorable puppy! They called me "Ange". I gave my new friends little kisses. The family takes good care of me; they're kind, gentle and tender. They gently and patiently teach me what I can and can't do, they give me lovely food and lots of love! The only thing I want is to please them. I love the little girl and I love playing and running with her.

Today we went to the vet. It's not a very pleasant place and I was very scared. They gave me a few shots, but my best friend, the little girl, held me so tenderly and assured me that everything was fine, so I calmed down. The vet must have said some sad words to my family because they had dark looks on their faces.

I could hear the vet saying things like.... "there's something wrong with my heart" and... "it's because of people who raise animals without thinking or caring about their health". I don't know what that means, but it saddens me to see my family so unhappy, but despite that they continue to love me, and I have to say the feeling is mutual.

I'm six months old now, other puppies my age are very strong and brisk, and I'd like to be like them. But there's still the pain of running and playing with my beloved little girl. I have trouble breathing.

I do my best to be a strong puppy, but it's hard. It hurts my heart to see my little girl so sad and to hear mom and dad say "maybe it's her time?".

I've already been to the vet several times and the news is never good. They always talk about congenital malformations. All I want to do is feel the sun, run, play and cuddle with my family.

Last night was the hardest, and the pain is becoming more and more excruciating. I can barely get up to drink. They put me in the car... for the last time.

Everyone is grieving and I don't understand why. Have I been disobedient? I'm trying to be good and kind.

What have I done wrong? Oh, if only this pain would go away! If only I could make the little girl's tears disappear. I try to reach out and lick her little hand, but all I can do is scream in pain.

The table at the vet's is cold. I'm so scared. People are all hugging me, crying, and I can feel their tears on my soft fur. I feel their love and their sorrow.

I gently lick their hands, even the vet doesn't seem to be unpleasant today. He's tender and I feel a relief from my pain. The little girl holds me gently and I thank her for all her love. I feel a little prick in my front paw, the pain goes away and I feel peace come over me. I gently lick those hands.

My vision becomes blurred and, as if in a dream, I see my mom and my brothers and sisters, in the distance, in a green space. They tell me that there is no pain there, only peace and happiness. I bid farewell to my family in the only way I know how, with a gentle wag of my tail and a gentle push with my nose. I had hoped to spend many, many years with them, but fate decided otherwise. "You see," said the vet, "puppies sold in pet shops don't come from breeders with a sense of responsibility".

The pain has stopped now, and I know it will be years before I see my beloved family again. If only things had been different...