My Bobby in Paradise

You were to be adopted by the woman who lived with my godfather, but she hesitated and asked to think about it a little longer.

We thought it over and decided that you would live your life with us, a decision I've never regretted.

12 years of happiness followed.

You were the charmer on duty and adapted very well to the whole family of loulous.

You had, I'm sure, a life of happiness and love, good meals on time, plenty of comfortable places to rest and as much petting as you wanted.

Just looking at all the love I received from you, you can tell that I managed to make you happy.

Any way you could to show your joy and good mood was good for you, of course you knew that my caresses and a little magic cookie that you loved to nibble on would always be your reward.

You had your favorite armchair, where you'd sit with your head upright on the backrest or armrest, but you also liked my place on the couch, with your head on my cushion. So I'd sit beside you and rest my head against yours. Sometimes you'd give me a kiss, but you were rather stingy about it, and I'd always tell you jokingly that it's normal, you're a man.

In the evenings, it was the boudoir session, you'd get 2 of them and settle on your blanket next to the bed. When I'd come to sleep, you'd quickly climb onto the bed for a little cuddle session and I'd get a few kisses. To thank you, you'd get another 1 boudoir. You ate packets of those cookies you loved so much. Then you'd go back downstairs to settle in for the night.

Over the years, you lost your friend Tonton, your dad Rambo. And then your mom Canaille left us, but the hardest thing for you was the departure of your sister Bijou. For many long weeks, I could see the sadness in your eyes, I understood you and tried to console you by talking to you and stroking you. It was hard to know what was going on in your little head, but in the end you resumed your normal life with your other sister Tania and little Cannelle.

We couldn't deny that you were Tania's brother, always together in the yard or garden, your 2 heads often turning at the same time, I never knew who was the shadow of the other so synchronized were your movements.

And your beautiful life went on without a hitch until about 1 month ago. The lymph nodes in your neck and hind legs started to swell. We went straight to the vet and had a blood test.

Already without the results, the vet had told me that this damn cancer was starting to eat away at you. The result of the blood test only confirmed what he had said.

As with your sister, chemo was out of the question, and there was no point in subjecting you to this very heavy treatment, which would not have cured you anyway. So we decided, failing to cure you, to try to keep you pain-free for as long as possible. So you began a palliative cortisone treatment, but this time with injections to protect your stomach.

You remained yourself, going to the garden to relieve yourself, sometimes even running with the others, but I could see that every day brought a little extra weight into your life. I kept a close eye on every movement you made to detect any sign of suffering, but fortunately I never saw you in pain, always your beautiful smile and tail thumping every time I spoke to you.

But that cancer bastard really wanted to get the upper hand, and he didn't let you have it for very long before deciding he was going to be the strongest. On Wednesday, you wouldn't eat your croquettes or your rice and meat, just a few slices of ham. In the evening, you went to the garden to relieve yourself as usual, but I could see that something was going on...

For fear of hurting you, I didn't put you on the bed for our cuddle, but I lay down a little close to you and talked to you for a long time, as if you understood and you already knew, I knew too, but not like you. I didn't know yet that it was our last cuddle of the evening.

The next day, Thursday September 1, 2011, you got up as usual but didn't want to eat or drink; you were having trouble standing up. I looked into your eyes and then I understood what you wanted to tell me. You felt that the suffering was going to show and that you wanted to go back to your mom and your sister on their cloud, you lay down and your beautiful eyes seemed to fill with tears, just like mine, and from time to time you wagged your tail, you were relaxed and not suffering yet.

I phoned the vet to cancel the evening visit and asked him to come round as soon as possible. I didn't dare carry you to bed for fear of hurting you, so I snuggled up to you, stroked you and cried my eyes out. The vet arrived around 11:30.

Your pretty, charming eyes closed, and then you opened them again to bid me a final farewell and say thank you, wagging your tail slightly. You faded away in my arm, cheek against cheek, your loving eyes extinguished forever and you left in peace on your cloud.

I wrapped you in a blanket and held you close to my heart, feeling your body warm against me, but the life you loved so much had left you.

I had you cremated and like all the other loulous, you now rest in my secret garden, you'll have a pretty peony, it was your favorite flower, I'll visit you every day with tears in my eyes and then with time...

The sadness will go... but you'll stay in my heart forever.

You'll always be my darling little Main-Main who gave me so much friendship, so much love with a sincerity I've never known in a human being.

I still have the love of your sister Tania and little Cannelle. None of them will take your place in my heart, I'll never forget you, you've gone too, taking a corner of my heart with you.

I know, in a few months, a few years... but I loved you so much, my Bob. I've also put your photo in front of my computer and it seems to me, like Chouchou, Canaille and Bijou, that you're saying to me :

It's not your fault Francis, I'm crying too, where I am, to be separated from you, but our hearts remain united for life (the one you have left without me).

I beg you my dad, never forget me, you were my breath of life and if I could have a second life, it's with you that I'd spend it, I really had a happy life with you, alas much too short.

Farewell my lifelong friend, please don't cry, I'm no longer here to console you, so do me this favor, when you look at my photo, give me a smile... If you can...

Don't forget that I really loved you, keep hoping that one day, in heaven, we'll meet again and nothing will ever separate us again.